Riverdale Returns with a Sexy Couples’ Retreat to a Cabin in the Woods.
After what seemed an endless hiatus, Riverdale finally returned this week with a new episode titled, “The Hills Have Eyes.” The episode centers around Bughead and Varchie spending a romantic couples’ weekend at the Lodges’ lake house. Hiram and Hermione are unable to make a planned trip to their lake house and suggests Archie and Veronica go in their place. Veronica invites her bestie, Betty, and Jughead. Who could resist a weekend away especially with all the drama going down in Riverdale lately? But Jughead sees the trip as an opportunity to see what Veronica knows about her father’s plans for Riverdale. Instead, things at the cabin get quite steamy. Meanwhile back in Riverdale, Josie spills the beans about her mom and Sheriff Keller to an extremely unexpecting Kevin. While Cheryl finds an unlikely friend in Toni and they make a surprising connection. A lot happened in this week’s episode. Here are the top moments of “The Hills Have Eyes.”
Could Chic Get Any Creepier?
It’s bad enough Betty lives in constant fear worrying someone, somehow will discover what she and her mom covered up for Chic. No matter where Betty goes in her own house he always seems to be reminding her of that night and creeping her out. As she scans the paper for headlines about a body, Chic’s appears across the table from her eating breakfast watching. Betty goes into her room and finds Chic coming out of her bathroom claiming she has better water pressure. Even as she leaves for school, there’s Chic in the background standing on the stairs glaring at her. He surely is taking creepy to a whole new level. Perhaps Chic is afraid Betty was thinking about going to the police, but why would she ever do that? She’d only get her, Alice as well as Jughead and FP in trouble too.
Mama aka Meanie Dearest Drops a Bombshell.
Guess the apple does fall too far from the Blossom family tree as Penelope Blossom reveals a huge secret about Cheryl no one saw coming. Still embarrassed and downright disgusted about her mother’s chosen profession as a Riverdale’s resident ‘lady of the night,’ Cheryl continues to make her disapproval made to her mother. But Penelope comes back at Cheryl and doesn’t hold back. She blames Cheryl for driving her one decent chance of a better life away. Cheryl laughs in her face at the mere possibility of her having feelings for Hal Cooper. Then Penelope has some extremely harsh words for Cheryl. She asks what Cheryl would even know about love because it’s not like she’s ever known love. She claims all she knows is how to tear it apart. Because she was jealous. Penelope continues claiming Cheryl is anorexic and miserable and starving…Wow! Clearly, it’s been quite obvious Cheryl suffers deeply from something or multiple things because of the actions. Some downright mean at times like burning her own house down. Who knew she was anorexic?
Cheryl ‘Cherry Bombshell’ Blossom Strikes Again.
In the student lounge, Cheryl hears about the getaway to Veronica’s family lake house and she attempts to invite herself, but quickly learns it’s s couples only trip. Cheryl acts like it’s nothing and just walks away, but her expression tells otherwise. She looks sad and does the only thing she knows how to cope with her feelings, lash out. She picks the most inappropriate time, at least for who she’s lashing out at too, As Jughead, Betty, Archie, and Veronica arrive at the Lodge’s lake house and are getting settled in, Cheryl calls Jughead. She believes he needs to know about her seeing Betty and Archie kissing outside her house when they were tracking down the Black Hood. Of course, Jughead is caught completely off guard. Who would’ve thought his best friend and girlfriend would’ve kissed and he had to hear about it from Cheryl. Or as she refers to herself to herself as Cheryl ‘Cherry Bombshell’ Blossom’ when Toni catches her in the act of attempting to ruin her pal’s weekend getaway. But as usual, Cheryl appears to show no remorse for her actions and just comes across as a cruel bitch.
A Kiss for a Kiss…It’s Only Fair.
Hearing his best bro and his girlfriend kissed sends Jughead’s reeling. While Betty and Jug discuss her and Archie kissing, Varchie have sexy time upstairs. Jug’s not mad but doesn’t understand why she didn’t tell him when he told her about Toni. Jughead isn’t intimidated anymore about her and Archie growing up next door especially as what he refers to as a ‘Black Hood’ prompted kiss. All seems fine with Bughead after Cheryl’s impromptu truth bomb. They decide to spend a relaxing evening with some of Veronica’s special jalapeno margaritas. Jughead attempts to pry information from Ronnie about Hiram’s SoDale project. This makes Betty uncomfortable considering their friend invited them away for a relaxing weekend. Veronica believes there’s some leftover tension about the Betty and Archie kiss and suggests they head out to the hot tub.
Bughead and Varchie enjoy their margaritas in the hot tub. There, Veronica discloses after Archie confessed to kissing Betty it haunted her for weeks, but she didn’t harbor any ill will towards her best friend. Now, since Jughead and Betty are dealing with the aftermath of the kiss, Veronica suggests she and Jughead kiss to make things fair. Jughead sides with Veronica and believes it’s just what’s needed to save the relationships and friendships from imploding. So he and Ronnie share a steamy kiss in the hot tub while a reluctant Betty and Archie are forced to watch. Just as the Vughead kiss was difficult for their partners to watch, it’s just as odd for viewers as well.
Dark Betty Comes Out to Play.
Betty piques Jughead’s attention later that night as she points out now out of the four of them the only ones who haven’t kissed are he and Archie. You can see him quickly connect the dots as he had no clue Betty and Veronica ever kissed. Betty disappears into the bathroom to let Jug ponder that for a minute. She asks Jug if he enjoyed kissing Ronnie and he replies that he really liked seeing Archie’s reaction. When Betty asks him again, Jug doesn’t answer. Betty says if he did she’d have to punish him and re-emerges as Dark Betty. She has on sexy black lingerie and the black, bob wig. Betty confesses she packed the outfit in case Jug needed a distraction. It clearly worked as Jughead is completely focused on this side of Betty he’s never seen before. She pushes him onto the bed and they have sex. Bughead has turned slightly ‘Fifty Shades’ and I totally love it. Maybe Jug can fulfill her dark side and Betty won’t need to go online to do so anymore.
Josie Drops a Bombshell on Kevin
When Josie comes home and sees her mom and Sheriff Keller all flirty, she gets irritated. After he leaves, Josie explains that it’s not fair that her father doesn’t know about their relationship. Sierra explains he does know, but they were going to wait until after graduation to tell her they decided to get a divorce. But when Josie asks if Sheriff Keller is getting a divorce too. Sierra confesses he has to talk to his wife and Kevin, who don’t even know about their affair and asks that Josie respect that. This really pisses Josie off.
So Josie asks Kevin to meet her at Pop’s. He thinks it’s to talk about the school musical he’s directing and wants Josie to star. But she has different agenda and tells a completely unexpecting Kevin about her mom and his dad’s affair. He’s floored and immediately leaves for the Sheriff station to confront his father. There, he makes his disappointment known. He can’t believe he could cheat on his mom especially while she’s overseas risking her life. When Kevin puts it that way it makes Sheriff Keller look like a real dick. But to be honest I didn’t even remember anything about Kevin’s mom until this episode.
Sunnyside Trailer Park is Saved, But Not Everyone is Happy About It.
While Betty and Veronica return to the cabin from their shopping trip into town, so do Archie and Jughead, who shared a little bro time out in the woods. Jughead gets a call from his dad, who wanted to let him know everyone at Sunnyside Trailer Park is celebrating because their debts are all gone. FP thinks that Jug article must’ve shamed Hiram into buying the trailer park and is going to let everyone stay. Jug is in disbelief. He goes into the cabin to confront Veronica about her dad’s behavior. Now, that Hiram has bought Sunnyside, it confirms he’s been taking over the Southside by grabbing properties left and right. Jug thinks Hiram is up to something and him purchasing the trailer park is just a tactic. But Veronica, Archie, and even Betty think Hiram is just trying to make amends. Hate to say it, but Jug is right. I don’t think Hiram Lodge does anything without some sort of agenda.
Well, This Isn’t Awkward.
Back in Riverdale, Kevin is sitting at Pop’s eating alone when Midge and Moose come in and insist he joins them at a booth. Making small talk, Midge asks Kevin if he is meeting anyone at the Bijou theater. He isn’t, so Midge tries to help him find a date. She suggests Kevin give Fangs a chance and Moose chimes in that Fangs is an attractive guy so why not? Kevin just cannot see himself with someone named Fangs. Then Midge asks how Moose and Kevin know one another. Poor thing has absolutely no clue her boyfriend and Kevin know each other quite well. Kevin claims they were lab partners in biology, but the truth is Kevin and Moose used to hook up in the woods.
No worries, Kevin didn’t go see ‘Love Simon’ alone. At the theater, he runs into Josie and she apologizes for imploding he and his family’s lives by revealing her mom and his dad’s affair. Of course, Kevin accepts her apology and he and Josie decide to go see the movie together since she doesn’t have a date either. Awe.
Hiram is on One Heck of a Shopping Spree.
At the cabin, the gang is playing a game of Monopoly and Betty steps away to return a call to her mother. While she does, Jug confesses to Archie and Veronica that he met Betty’s brother, Chic, and he’s rather creepy. Betty returns with news that Hiram also bought the Riverdale Register. Whoa, Hiram is one hell of a shopping spree. Veronica insists she had no idea her father had all these plans. Again, this just adds even more fuel to Jughead’s suspicions that Hiram is planning on taking over Riverdale. This even has Betty questioning Veronica’s motive for inviting them all to the cabin for the weekend. Both Jughead and Betty are suspicious since Lodge Industries is purchasing property all over the Southside and now the one newspaper in town. The Lodges will control the press. No one, including Alice, will ever be able to truly report on what they’re doing. Bughead and Varchie bicker back and forth. Betty and Jughead plead their case that Lodge Industries is up to something and perhaps even trying to gain control over Riverdale. While Veronica and Archie obviously come to her family’s defense and are perhaps a bit oblivious to the possibility that Hiram and Lodge Industries might not have the town’s best interest at heart.
A New Black Hood or Hoods Appear at the Cabin.
As Archie, Jughead, Betty and Veronica banter back and forth, they hear glass break inside the cabin. Before they know it four men in black ski masks with weapons are standing in front of them demanding all of their valuables. One of the guys follows Veronica to get her wallet upstairs, where she cleverly presses the silent alarm behind her nightstand. She remembers the one intruder as the guy who waited on her and Betty at the convenience store in town. Having what they came for, one of the guys demands they get down on their knees. Luckily, the phone rings. Veronica informs them it’s the insurance company with guards on the way. This scares the guys away.
Archie chases them as they leave the cabin because they took Veronica’s necklace. He does run him down and unmasks the guy. By the way, this is something Archiekins wasn’t able to do after the Black Hood shot his dad and held him at gunpoint. Andre appears just as Archie is about to clobber the guy and he instructs Archie to go back to the cabin. On his way, Archie hears a gunshot the woods and he looks a bit shocked at the intruder’s fate. Guess Archie doesn’t know too much about the mob, which I am pretty sure the Lodges are affiliated with or maybe he has and is beginning to realize what he’s gotten himself into.
Toni Sees the Softer Side of Cheryl.
Disgusted as her mom welcome another man into her bedroom, Cheryl heads to the premiere of Love, Simon at the Bijou. There, she runs into Toni, but Cheryl insists she’s stalking her. Toni explains she was supposed to meet Fangs but he bailed last minute so she just came alone. Noticing Cheryl is by herself too and appears upset, Toni asks if she’s alright. Cheryl explains why she’s alone at the movies. She’s avoiding her mother, who turned their house into a brothel. She’s not alright, so Toni suggests since neither one of them have dates they sit together for the movie.
Toni and Cheryl go to Pop’s for milkshakes after the movie. Toni jokes Cheryl was crying during the movie, so she confesses she was. Cheryl reveals that she usually doesn’t cry at movies because real life is tragic enough, but a specific part of the movie brought up a sore subject for her. Cheryl begins to cry again as she confesses to Toni the people of Riverdale view her as a loveless monster, but that’s the farthest from the truth. Cheryl loved someone who loved her but reveals her mother destroyed it. Much like us, Toni assumes she was talking about her brother, Jason. But it was a girl, Heather, who she was best friends with in junior high. She spent the night all the time or at least until Cheryl’s mom caught them in bed together and accused her of being a deviant. Toni is saddened by Cheryl’s story and puts her hand on hers. Then she tells Cheryl she’s not loveless nor deviant. She’s sensational and deserves love. Toni allows us to see an entirely new, more vulnerable side of Cheryl and I love it! I’m all for Choni.
Never Hesitate. Ever.
After returning from their weekend away, Archie, Veronica, Betty and Jughead stop by Pop’s for a bit. They’re all grateful no one was hurt in the attempted robbery at the cabin. And they join hands in the middle of the table in agreement they’ll always have each other. Archie accompanies Veronica back to the Pembrooke, where he has a sit down with Hiram in his study. Over a drink, Hiram and Archie discuss what happened at the cabin over the weekend. Hiram explains to Archie he heard about the masked intruders and assures him he did the right thing telling the men to take whatever they wanted. He was smart and it was the only choice he really had. They agree it was lucky no one was hurt despite Archie choosing to track down one of the men. Hiram then wonders if Archie was having second thoughts. Archie reveals that the night he and Betty tracked down the Black Hood the one thing he regretted was hesitating to pull the trigger. Hiram tells Archie he must never hesitate when it comes to family or his loved ones. Hiram hands him Veronica’s necklace he recovered from one of the intruders. Why not just give it back to Ronnie? And since when is it okay for parents to casually drink with underage students? Just saying…
Betty Better Beware.
Jughead escorts Betty back to her house after Pop’s and warns her of another type of home invasion other than a break-in. He explains sometimes the door is left open and the intruders are left inside. The invasion isn’t always fast and violent. Jug cautions Betty to be careful especially when it comes to Chic. He got the creepiest vibe from Chic upon meeting him when he came to pick her up for their weekend getaway. Then Jug kisses her goodnight and heads home. But if Betty is honest with herself, she’d agree that Chic has been a lot more strange since the murder and cover-up. Hopefully, Chic is just one creepy dude, but he did kill someone. Even if he claims Alice was in danger, you’d think he’d have some sort of ongoing remorse other than right after it happened. Instead, now he seems more concerned about who knows what happened and keeping it from police. Not a good look on you, Chic.
Riverdale airs Wednesday at 8/7c on The CW